A space featuring my ramblings, most of which might seem as though my brain is missing. By most, I mean all the time. ATTENTION: THIS IS NOT A SPOILER-FREE BLOG. THIS APPLIES TO ANY SHOW I BLOG ABOUT HERE. (See: TV shows for full list.) Also be sure to check out The Mindy Podcast
It’s Halloween once more and I am not dressing up.
Don’t get me wrong, I love dressing up actually! I think it stems from me not wanting to be myself. It’s probably why I loved acting in plays and dramas.
I don’t know what it is about this time of year right now. I guess I was kind of like this last year.
I was talking to a friend last night and she described how I was feeling and she figures it’s because we’re living in the south end of the province and we’re both from the northern parts of our respective provinces.
I just feel tired (which is explained by lack of sleep) but also uninterested. I hate how I feel like I’m expected to impress people. But then I’m frustrated when no one notices me or the work that I do in school.
For example, people constantly remember that a classmate of mine worked at the newspaper this past summer, and no one remembers that I did as well. Well, the people that matter remember. So I guess that says something right there.
Maybe it’s the confidence issue. If I project this appearance that I CAN do things then maybe other people will respect me for it. I don’t think people disrespect me, I just don’t think I make myself worth noticing.
If I feel shit about the way I look because I skipped showering in order to be on time for class, I’ll quiet down even more because I’m feeling grungy and I don’t want to be noticed.
My acne’s been acting up again and that’s another reason why I don’t want people to notice me.
I’ve lost weight recently, thanks to speed walks in the morning in order to get to class and not enough time to eat as much as I was as well as skipping the occasional meal, so I’m feeling better about my appearance body wise. (Although I really need to start exercising and eating properly because the way I’m going about it, I probably won’t be able to keep the weight off.)
Half of the time in class, I don’t follow the way other people think. And despite what teachers and other people say, if you have an opinion that’s different, people WILL shoot it down. And I am not a confrontational person, nor do I have enough energy to keep up with it. I think really, it’s the fact that I don’t like to lose. Or I don’t like losing against people I don’t like. And I KNOW I’m not the most intelligent person ever. Definitely not. Hahah. haaaa.
So as a result, I do not talk in class. And I should, in order to participate and prove that I’m engaged in the class. But just because people have a certain title and are from a certain organization, I do not feel the need to prove anything to you. I will not suck up to you, I just try to do my best on the assignment. And if it ends up being a shitty assignment, then it looks like you won’t be seeing me in a good light.
I know I’m a hard worker, and at times I do end up producing decent stuff. I know I’m creative and at times I can be a decent journalist. It’s just so much of this profession is based on appearance and jumping through hoops before entering the work force and when in the work force (unless you’re in TV and even then there are exceptions) the work you produce is what matters.
Having to stop every five minutes to kill a wasp when you have a major project due the next day.
But seriously, I’ve killed like 15 wasps today in my room because the people my landlord called last week haven’t come here yet.
"Oh but it’s fine because they’re going to go into hibernation and aren’t aggressive anymore."
So you’re telling me they’re invading my lovely warm room to find a place to hibernate so in the spring they’ll lay their eggs and will be aggressive once more.
Hey, here’s a thought. I DON’T WANT GODDAMN WASPS IN MY FUCKING ROOM.
I HATE TRANSCRIBING. WITH A PASSION.
SO GODDAMN MUCH.
THIS 14 MINUTE INTERVIEW IS TORTURE.
I JUST FINISHED TRANSCRIBING A 17 MINUTE INTERVIEW.
AND I HAVE ANOTHER 15 MINUTE ONE AND A 36 MINUTE ONE TO DO TOMORROW.
MY FINGERS ARE TIRED.
AND I JUST WANT TO WATCH DEXTER. OR WALKING DEAD. HAVEN’T DECIDED WHICH THOUGH. OR IF I CAN EVEN WATCH THEM TONIGHT.
I SHOULD PROBABLY GET BACK TO TRANSCRIBING. ONLY 12 MINUTES TO GO.
Feeling sad, lonely and anxious again.
I’m going to play some music while I do my homework. Hopefully that helps me get over what I think is most likely homesickness.
Sorry I’ve been quiet lately. SUPER quiet actually. School has been as hectic as can be actually. I’ve got projects due every week. No midterms, no tests (only quizzes) but I’m pretty sure I’ve gained a few more grey hairs in the process.
Anyway, this weekend is the thanksgiving weekend (in Canada)! So as a head’s up, I won’t be blogging away this weekend as I am travelling to my grandparents’ where there is no internet access. I will also be missing Fringe Friday evening. Or at least I’m not sure if I’ll be able to watch it after everyone goes to bed Friday night.
C’est la vie, non?
Just to let you all know I’ve been missing you all like crazy. I miss interacting with everyone but I just honestly can’t seem to find much time to sit down and flail like I used to.
I’m not sure how I feel about the fact that things are changing - then again, I haven’t really had much time to think.
In any case, I hope you all have a lovely Fringe Friday - and to my Canadian friends, Happy Thanksgiving!! :)
And me being the emotional wreck I am 24/7 just about cries during interview with grandparents about their lives.
Like my Grandma said, my Grandpa learned how to fish and hunt from her Dad. He wasn’t always a professional. When he first used steel line he came back in his rubber boots and snarled lines.
The imagery there is simply hilarious.
Now I’m crying for no apparent reason.
Right now I’m going through old articles and getting all nostalgic and amazed at the work that I’ve done this summer.
But I’m also incredibly sad. I’m gonna miss everyone at work like crazy.
It actually kind of hurts. My boss, for one. He just has so much faith in me and he’s so positive and encouraging it’s scary. But in a good way.
I don’t think I’ve had anyone actually support me in this way. My first day there, he sat me down in his office after I wrote my first story and told me that I can write.
No one’s ever told me that.
I respect that man like crazy.
And the work environment. I’ve never worked with such a positive and funny bunch before.
And in two weeks I have to leave them all and I don’t want to.
Which is why I’m crying like the girl that I am. I mean, I am a girl but… you know what I mean.
The newspaper I work at is more than a stepping stone. The people there are like family… all very annoying brothers … but family. And I spend most of my day there 8 to 12 hours each day.
I know I’m probably just tired but I’m gonna miss them a lot.
This weekend was just a whole bunch of weird.
And not like, fun tumblr weird. Just full of awks and stuff.
First off, I’d like to let you all know that my teeth are doing terrific. They stopped hurting by Friday afternoon. (And I got my wisdom teeth pulled on Thursday morning.)
Secondly, this weekend. Oh where to start…
I think it’s the lack of sleep talking (cause I’ve been agitated all day) but people have been telling me that going to the city the DAY AFTER I get my wisdom teeth out is a bad idea.
I hate it when people tell me I can’t or shouldn’t do something.
Like, I like/love all y’all that are going “Mmmm I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
Well guess what, you’re not me.
Do you know how many bad decisions I’ve made on purpose? Very few. I barely drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs.
I just want to do something where I’ll get a funny story out of it… two or three years later.
I mean, these teeth aren’t even in the gums any more. Maybe I’ll be in pain for the next few days. So what?
I get fucking cramps every fucking month. I’ve had braces. I think I can handle a bit of jaw pain.
And yeah, I’m drinking on Saturday. Because like I said, I wanna make a couple of decisions I’ll regret. xD
Besides if I’m in a bit of pain, won’t alcohol numb it?
Ugh and this car thing.
Tomorrow is going to be murder.
First thing I do when I get up tomorrow is transcribe about 2 hours worth of audio.
Then I shall write 3 short stories. But wait that’s not all. Actually, I’m hoping that will be my morning.
Next, I’ll have to do an interview, transcribe the audio, and write another story by 4 p.m. That probably won’t happen. I’ll probably be writing that up until 7 p.m.
Then I shall be heading to the arts centre nearby where I will be shooting for a concert (Creedence Clearwater Revival).
I’m gonna die.
I should have done the audio tonight.
I should have but when I think about actually doing it I want to cry.